I was lost and found,

Like an old picture of a little child

At the bottom of the lake –

I was bones, trash and pieces of sea-life.

I was no-eyes, no-feelings, no-soul,

But I was –

I was found by a strange fish –

Who don't have any feelings, 

But who opened them in me –

I was something in the fish's way –

Now I'm human.

(This story was written the day after I drowned.

I was kept silent. I was a silent piece of ocean bottom – A R I E L. My silence was grown up by parents and approved by government. My silence was loved by men and understood by women. My silence became too small for me so I tried to run away so I could scream – but it was my silence screaming – 

– poooooooooor A R I E L – you can’t use your legs – 

Legs were my anger. I was so ANGRY – angry because of my tail. My tail was bigger than legs – my tail was my soul – A R I E L, forget it. 

When I was little, a tail appeared under my legs and grew so much faster that I couldn't walk anymore – I could only swim through the air water gaze cities people books paintings. My tail was so huge so it looks like I was growing fish on me – whale shark dolphin – and I’m myself was still just a piece of the ocean bottom where this fish lives. And I kept silent. 

The tail started moving me – and my actions were controlled by it. Mom didn't get it. Mom thought I allowed too much to my tail. But I felt that the tail – me – was one thing, and one without another never existed. Mom sent me to a doctor. The doctor said to me that normal people have a penis or a clitoris on one part of the body and a heart on another – and I have tail. I said this tail feels so much. The doctor said that it wasn't surprising – it's very sensitive – like one billion penises and clitorises and hearts. The doctor said – science has never seen that –   so please keep silent until I understand what it is. The doctor never understood.

I lived with my tail and never met anyone close. Usually first I fell in love through my tail. But every time I tried to show someone my whole tail – they broke up with me. And it was so strange because at first they were attracted by it – it was a mystery – a secret – a secret that they needed to own. And as soon as they had a detailed anatomic image of my tail – they broke up with me – poor A R I E L, you forgot to keep silent. Or I broke up with them because they really didn't understand the tail – like the doctor didn't.


So I started to keep silent more carefully. I tried to cut my tail out – but it didn't work. I still only have scars. And when these scars became old ones and when I found a person who really didn't see my tail but only loved me, I met a boy –
he was little like a molecule of water but he was the only thing my tail needed.

He was a salty little drop of water that included so MUCH sea ocean lake river – water. A R I E L, A R I E L, A R I E L, keep silent please – my silence screamed but I yelled – SHUT UP – 

The drop-boy really loved my tail. He licked it with his drop-y words touch eyes glance. I really loved drop-boy – my tail really loved drop-boy. He was only one drop but so full so it was ocean – I swam for the first time in a long time – the drop-boy showed me and my tail that I can be open I can be loud I can swim as I want I can feel like a billion penises and clitorises and hearts I could breathe underwater I could walk on water I could run run run under upper water I could love and feel love 

and I drowned.)

I know how to swim.

But I drowned.

First you forgot how to breathe under water and then…

why why Why WHy WHY A R I E L

….then you just an bloat.

WHY you don’t just keep silent?

Drop-boy also had a secret. He wasn't sure he was a drop which is an ocean. His secret was he wasn't sure. Not sure of his value. So he became cruel when my tail told him – he is an ocean. When I did so, he disappeared. The sun ate him – he forgot me, my tail, our lo… Just keep silent – A R I E L.

After I drowned, they found me. They – the doctor, mom and they said – it’s nothing it’s always fizzled to nothing – don’t you really think that it would be long? You just need to keep silent. 

I WON’T AT ALL ! 

I hide my tail. BUT I AM SCREAMING ABOUT IT. I know there were some more people with it. AND THEY WERE SCREAMING TOO. I hide it in their books. BUT I AM SCREAMING ABOUT IT. I hide it in my words. I HIDE HIDE HIDE HIDE HIDE – AND –SICK. I wrote a fairy-tail. I hide it. And you will never find me because now I am not a fish, I am a horse –
A R I E L –

with the four legs of anger and fearlessness which move me 

«into the red 
eye, the cauldron of morning».